I Feel Like I’m not good enough!

Im-not-good-enough-fist

I am writing this post in response to a comment received by a subscriber who has asked me to cover this topic.  I do not have any back story for this person so I am not completely  sure in what area of their life they feel like this or indeed why but I will cover this post as general topic and hopefully they and you will find it helpful.

Firstly to feel like you are not good enough in some ways is fantastic because it doesn’t matter how old are you or how good you are at something, you can always get better to feel not good enough is the trigger you need to get better and to start learning.  If the reason you feel you are not good enough is because you are trying to live to the ideal of someone else’s life or there vision for you, then that is a problem.  As I have written about in a previous post you only have to be who you are.

My very first blog was about having a reason why and to feel not good enough in some aspects is the perfect reason why, its never about where you are now it is all about where you are going to be.  In simple it is about thinking where you would like to be and building a plan on how you are going to get there, what do you need to learn, what steps do you need to take, what changes do you need to make. Then it is all about taking the necessary action to get there.

Another negative of not feeling good enough is because you are not living in the moment and you are focusing to far ahead on where you want to be.  You have to have a vision and a goal and then its about breaking it down in to small manageable steps so you can focus on living in the moment and just trying to get a little bit better each day, if you know more about something or you are better at something today than you were yesterday then guess what you are succeeding and developing and this should be celebrated you are doing a great job, remember its not about where you are now it is all about where you are going to be.

There is a well known statement that talking to yourself is the first sign of madness, I couldn’t disagree more that doesn’t mean you have to have a full blown conversation with yourself on the bus but you should be having lots of internal self talk sessions all the time. The biggest help in not feeling good enough is just about changing the language we use when we do talk to ourselves.  How does this sound in your head, “I can’t do that I’m rubbish at it” doesn’t make you feel great does it, try to substitute that self talk for “I really wish I knew how to do that, I am going to find out how to do it” the same self talk delivered in two totally different ways, if you do this often enough your brain will be re-programmed to think positively and you will start feeling that actually right now you are the best you can be and once you have executed your plan you will be unstoppable.

If you would like me to cover anything for you, please subscribe and write in the comments section and hopefully I can help you too.  Stay Elevated!

Creating a work vs home life balance


I am writing this post in response to a comment I received from a viewer on one of my other posts.  The reader was doing a great job taking action and moving forward in their professional life but felt this success was having an impact on their personal life and was feeling guilty about that, this is a very common trap that many fall in to.  I am aiming this particular post from a coaching and learning perspective mainly at men but that doesn’t mean to say a lady could not take something away from it, however the difference is women tend to think more emotionally and men more practically so it does tend to be an area that men struggle with more.

Firstly when creating a work life balance the worst thing you can do is measure the success or failure against time, most people work 8-9 hours a day, if you sleep for 8 hours you are down to 7-8 hours left add in some chores, children, the commute etc and hey ho we have a winner and it won’t be home. So measure in time and you will fail everytime.

It is great for someone to have a drive and an ambition and actually this should be commended and it is not a negative however what it is very easy to do especially for a man is get so busy with this ambition and this drive that they spend hours in the office and they are that focused on it, that even when they are at home they are not really there but in their mind still in the office, they then justify this by thinking and saying to their partners and children because it is truly what they believe and mean ” I know I’m not home much and I am busy but I do it for you and the kids, I do it so we can have the great lifestyle we have because you mean the world to me” what they are  not paying attention to is their wife saying we never spend any time together, you don’t appreciate what I do at home with the house and the kids I work just as hard, sound familiar anyone!

Creating a work home life balance is about having a strong drive and ambition in the work place but when you come home it’s about creating an environment where your wife or partner can be in their emotional centre, you have LEFT work for the day so you should have LEFT your work there. If you have to moan and gripe about work that’s what your buddies and your boys nights are for.  The first thing any man should do when he comes home is walk up and kiss the lady in his life and say “hey baby, how was your day? What did you get up to?” Then stop and listen and I mean really listen you are home now it’s all about her.  When you are casually sitting watching the TV and your partner speaks, you stop watching and you listen and you really listen.  It’s not about grand gestures and flowers every day, although you must continually date your lover but that’s a topic for another day, it’s about when you are at home she is the centre of your world.

Why when you have been married for 10 years does your wife still get her hair, nails and make up done because she wants you to notice her she wants to be the centre of your world.  The worst thing you can do when your wife says I got my hair or nails done today or I bought this new dress is not pay attention, again you stop what you are doing you look make eye contact and listen and engage.  When she cooks you dinner say thank you tell her lovely it was.  Every few days pick a random moment of the day send her text or give her a call and tell her ” I just wanted to let you know I was thinking of you, I love you”

Just these few simple changes would make such a great impact on being able to continue with a professional drive and ambition yet make everything happy and engaging at home, don’t believe me start now. Stay elevated.

You have to take action!

 
To become successful in any part of your life you have to TAKE ACTION.  Sounds obvious I guess, bit of a silly statement.  The reality is most people do not, the majority of people you meet in your life will be either doing a job they hate, in a relationship that makes them miserable, be unhappy with their body and their diet, they will not have as much money as they want and just generally be miserable or at best they will be ok. Why? Because they do not TAKE ACTION.

They have all the best will in the world, they have every plan about what they will do tomorrow but today “my favourite programme is on the TV so I just do not have time right now!” You will encounter these people every single day and some of them have the best ideas you will ever hear but they just do not TAKE ACTION.

The key is you have to keep moving forward at all times all you need to do is just try and get a little better each day, every little achievement no matter how small should be celebrated because that is TAKING ACTION.  So you are 50lbs over the weight you want to be and tomorrow you have three healthy meals, by the end of the week you have only had 1 cheat day and you have been to the gym once in that week that’s awesome you are TAKING ACTION.  You wake up in the morning and you decide I do not want to do this job anymore, I am sick of it I need to do something I love and enjoy and instead of wasting your evening watching the TV, you google how to write the best CV or resume and you looked at a couple of vacancies on line, you haven’t got a new job yet but you TOOK ACTION.

It’s a very old saying that Rome wasnt built in a day and you know what it wasn’t, you maybe 5, 10 or even 20 years away from living out your dreams and realising your full potential but as long as you are a little bit closer today than you were yesterday then you’re TAKING ACTION and you’re beginning to walk the path of success, it’s a marathon not a sprint.

Image: rocksdigital.com

You only have to be, who you are!


A really important lesson to us all right now, when looking to gain peace in our lives and ultimately go on to be successful, ALWAYS BE WHO YOU ARE!

With society as it is right now we are always under constant pressure to confirm and to settle and live our lives in accordance to the way other people think it should be lived.  This is the biggest single mistake as a human being we can make, to have any success in our lives be it professional or personal the first thing we must do is embrace and master who we are first.  We can never change who we are however we can become the very best version of ourselves.

Inside us all is a set of morales and values to which we must live by and must be our truth, when you get that little niggle in your gut that is telling you the action you are about to take is steering you away from this path, you must listen to your gut and stop.

The magical thing about this is the more you become engaged in who you are and do things for you, the more your confidence grows, the more you are likely to stay in great shape and eat well and the stronger all round individual you will become.

The great thing about the world is that like attracts like, so the more you are focused on yourself and doing things for you then you will start to realise that the people and circumstances that you have always wanted in your life will start to appear.

By living a life that is set out and controlled by others you will find every relationship you are involved in will start to feel false and ultimately cause you some unhappiness.

Image: therevelationproject 

Dealing with FEAR and ANXIETY 


Firstly I would just like to state that I am neither a doctor or a counsellor, however what I am is a coach and someone who has previously been where you are right now if you are reading this.

Fear and anxiety is the menace that creeps up on you slowly and then bang it smacks you in face.  It’s so hard to describe, impossible to see yet can be so devastating it can ruin your life and turn it in to nothing but an existence.

Our mind is the most wonderful and beautiful thing with have but at the same time the most unpleasant and dark object we can come to bare.

I remember those days just wanting to go out and have fun, spend time with friends and family but unable to leave the house because I was so crippled with fear that something awful was going to happen.  I was going to be the focus of every bodies attention and it was just can to be an awful experience, every possible scenario played out in my head about the immediate future and all of them awful.  After this I then had the internal battle from the rational side of my head saying “you are letting yourself down, your family down, what is wrong with you” I can still remember those internal battles that turned the most simple and fun situations in life in to nightmare.

What I would like to share is how I changed and what I did to rid myself of this silent assassin.  I am very conscious of how people feel while they are suffering as I to have been there but the reality of what happened was a very simple shift in mind set and belief but it does take work.

When you start to look and analysis the things that are causing you fear and anxiety in your life, I can pretty much guarantee that 99% of them have not happened yet.  That’s right just think about that for a moment everything you fear all those terrible things that are going to happen to you, have not actually happened. The other 1% you are worried and stressed about guess what they have happened and you can not do a thing to change them.

Uncertainty and in-action breeds fear and anxiety, certaintity and action breeds confidence.

The work you need to do is train your brain to live in the moment this very minute the here and now.  Unless you are in a particularly dangerous or life threatening environment the moment is not scary it has no fear it has no reason to be anxious.  There is no potential disastrous consequence because you do not live in potential, you live in the now the sofa you are sitting on, the street you are walking down, you are fine in this very moment and that is where you must stay! 

Please feel free to leave any comments and if there are any areas of your life you would like me to comment on or support you through just ask. Stay elevated to