I am writing this post in response to a comment I received from a viewer on one of my other posts. The reader was doing a great job taking action and moving forward in their professional life but felt this success was having an impact on their personal life and was feeling guilty about that, this is a very common trap that many fall in to. I am aiming this particular post from a coaching and learning perspective mainly at men but that doesn’t mean to say a lady could not take something away from it, however the difference is women tend to think more emotionally and men more practically so it does tend to be an area that men struggle with more.
Firstly when creating a work life balance the worst thing you can do is measure the success or failure against time, most people work 8-9 hours a day, if you sleep for 8 hours you are down to 7-8 hours left add in some chores, children, the commute etc and hey ho we have a winner and it won’t be home. So measure in time and you will fail everytime.
It is great for someone to have a drive and an ambition and actually this should be commended and it is not a negative however what it is very easy to do especially for a man is get so busy with this ambition and this drive that they spend hours in the office and they are that focused on it, that even when they are at home they are not really there but in their mind still in the office, they then justify this by thinking and saying to their partners and children because it is truly what they believe and mean ” I know I’m not home much and I am busy but I do it for you and the kids, I do it so we can have the great lifestyle we have because you mean the world to me” what they are not paying attention to is their wife saying we never spend any time together, you don’t appreciate what I do at home with the house and the kids I work just as hard, sound familiar anyone!
Creating a work home life balance is about having a strong drive and ambition in the work place but when you come home it’s about creating an environment where your wife or partner can be in their emotional centre, you have LEFT work for the day so you should have LEFT your work there. If you have to moan and gripe about work that’s what your buddies and your boys nights are for. The first thing any man should do when he comes home is walk up and kiss the lady in his life and say “hey baby, how was your day? What did you get up to?” Then stop and listen and I mean really listen you are home now it’s all about her. When you are casually sitting watching the TV and your partner speaks, you stop watching and you listen and you really listen. It’s not about grand gestures and flowers every day, although you must continually date your lover but that’s a topic for another day, it’s about when you are at home she is the centre of your world.
Why when you have been married for 10 years does your wife still get her hair, nails and make up done because she wants you to notice her she wants to be the centre of your world. The worst thing you can do when your wife says I got my hair or nails done today or I bought this new dress is not pay attention, again you stop what you are doing you look make eye contact and listen and engage. When she cooks you dinner say thank you tell her lovely it was. Every few days pick a random moment of the day send her text or give her a call and tell her ” I just wanted to let you know I was thinking of you, I love you”
Just these few simple changes would make such a great impact on being able to continue with a professional drive and ambition yet make everything happy and engaging at home, don’t believe me start now. Stay elevated.